Saturday, March 03, 2007
What part of FREE PSYCHIC READING don't you get?
If someone offered to tell you the future... to guide you to fame and fortune based on what they see... and they offered it to you free of charge with no strings attached... You'd be pretty stupid if you just sat there, not responding, right?
Right?
Friday, December 22, 2006
Quiznos Sues Itself; Charges Irreparable Damage to Brand
[Pictured, Left, Quiznos Spokesman Bob at Press Conference]DENVER In what legal analysts are calling unprecedented in the history of litigation, Quiznos Corporation has sued itself, claiming that it has done “irreparable harm to the Quiznos brand” and has “consistently failed to promote in such a manner as will not detract from or do damage to the reputation of Quiznos in the markeplace and the goodwill associated with the Quiznos name and trademarks.” The court filing included a request for an emergency injunction to prevent the Denver-based sandwich chain from “doing any more harm to itself and others.”
READ THE WHOLE SATIRICAL STORY HERE
Thursday, June 15, 2006
WORST FRANCHISE NAMES: Water To Go
Finally, an alternative to all those on-premise water concepts!
We also love Water To Go's sister concepts: Earth Express!, Air-on-the-Run and 1-800-FIRE
WORST FRANCHISE NAMES: Shoes - N - Feet
Shoes - N - Feet
Not since Hand-N-Glove has there been as dynamic and well-named a franchise concept. Other than that Thong concept that shall remain unspoken.
WORST FRANCHISE NAMES: The Athlete's Foot
The Athlete's Foot Athletic FootwearAccording to the American Podiatric Medical Association, "Athlete's foot" is a skin disease caused by a fungus, usually occurring between the toes. The fungus most commonly attacks the feet "because shoes create a warm, dark, and humid environment which encourages fungus growth.... The signs of athlete's foot, singly or combined, are dry skin, itching, scaling, inflammation, and blisters. Blisters often lead to cracking of the skin. When blisters break, small raw areas of tissue are exposed, causing pain and swelling. Itching and burning may increase as the infection spreads."
It's easy to see why they would want to name their athletic shoe chain "The Athlete's Foot." I'm sure they'll have similar success with their new "Jock Itch" athletic clothing store.
WORST FRANCHISE NAMES: Cluckin' Pig
CLUCKIN' PIG
Their franchise sales slogan should be: "Make a Cluckin' Pig of Yourself."
To Go slogan: "Get the cluck outta here!"
Drive thru greeting: "Welcome to Cluckin' Pig. What the Cluck do you want?"
I thought this might be a cousin of the irreverent "Cluck U Chicken," but the website says that the idea for Cluckin' Pig came to Jerald Barrett in a vision after reading the Prayer of Jabez. I had a vision after reading the Prayer of Jabez too, but it involved filling a glass with 20 year old scotch.
Their franchise sales slogan should be: "Make a Cluckin' Pig of Yourself."
To Go slogan: "Get the cluck outta here!"
Drive thru greeting: "Welcome to Cluckin' Pig. What the Cluck do you want?"
I thought this might be a cousin of the irreverent "Cluck U Chicken," but the website says that the idea for Cluckin' Pig came to Jerald Barrett in a vision after reading the Prayer of Jabez. I had a vision after reading the Prayer of Jabez too, but it involved filling a glass with 20 year old scotch.
WORST FRANCHISE NAMES: Melt Gelato
Melt Gelato
Seems more like the protest cry of anti-gelato activists than a name for a gelateria.
(Though I guess La Gelateria would be worse).
Couldn't they highlight some other attribute of their gelato like... I don't know... flavor?
Seems more like the protest cry of anti-gelato activists than a name for a gelateria.
(Though I guess La Gelateria would be worse).
Couldn't they highlight some other attribute of their gelato like... I don't know... flavor?
WORST FRANCHISE NAMES: Fish Window Cleaning
Fish Window Cleaning
The name might be bad, but watching these guys scale a ladder with a squeegee and a pail in each fin is a sight to behold.
The name might be bad, but watching these guys scale a ladder with a squeegee and a pail in each fin is a sight to behold.
WORST FRANCHISE NAMES: The Bad Ass Coffee Co.
The Bad Ass Coffee Co.
"Coffee With An Attitude."
How, exactly, does coffee get an attitude?
Maybe the lame burro on the cup sets it off.
WORST FRANCHISE NAMES: Cluck U Chicken
WORST FRANCHISE NAMES: Beaner's Coffee
You gotta wonder how Juan Valdez feels about this one.
WORST FRANCHISE NAMES: Inflatable 2000
"You name it, we'll inflate it!"
Why put a year in the name? Perhaps they didn't think their business would survive Y2K. What once sounded modern now sounds nostalgic.
WORST FRANCHISE NAMES: Goin' Postal
Founders of franchise companies are often visionaries, so far ahead of the pack that their brilliant decisions might seem to some... well... daft.
Only a great mind harnessed with an entrepreneur's spirit could have the wisdom to name a new chain after the phenomenon of tragic workplace massacres. Perhaps all the holocaust-themed names were already taken.
What do you think? Does Goin' Postal get your vote for worst franchise name?
WORST FRANCHISE NAMES: Your vote counts!
Which franchise has the stupidest name? Place your vote or nominate your own choice.
American "Oughta Know Better" Category
1. Goo Goo Car Wash (automatic car wash)
2. The Crack Team (foundation repair specialists) Their tagline is "A dry crack is a happy crack!"
3. Goin' Postal (mailbox service)
4. Massage Envy
5. Blind Man of America
"Bizarre even for Foreigners" Category
1. McGoo's Spitroast & Catering (Beware of obnoxious music)
2. Brown Gouge Dry Cleaning (specializing in McGoo's post-spitroast undies)
3. Cornish Oggy Oggy The Pasty Company
American "Oughta Know Better" Category
1. Goo Goo Car Wash (automatic car wash)
2. The Crack Team (foundation repair specialists) Their tagline is "A dry crack is a happy crack!"
3. Goin' Postal (mailbox service)
4. Massage Envy
5. Blind Man of America
"Bizarre even for Foreigners" Category
1. McGoo's Spitroast & Catering (Beware of obnoxious music)
2. Brown Gouge Dry Cleaning (specializing in McGoo's post-spitroast undies)
3. Cornish Oggy Oggy The Pasty Company
RIP FRANCHISE: Who Killed Rapido Rabbit?
[Actual Crime Scene Photo]As I catching up on my car wash trade magazine reading, I perused the detailed account of the rapido rise and mas rapido demise of the Rapido Rabbit car wash franchise.
Seems that no one has been able to create a national car wash franchise, especially beloved car wash training guru Steve Gaudreau, the owner of the Muerto Rabbit itself. The car wash industry is a swell bunch of folks... read some of the posts in which they come not to praise Rapido, but to bury it... they praise Steve for being a good guy while dancing on the bunny-size grave of his failed chain.
In this article, Steve thinks that maybe he should have had an established, profitable prototype in place before he started selling franchises. But hey, Steve, that's crazy talk! If someone will plunk down a franchise fee, it must be viable, right?
Well, there are several companies trying to build that national franchise chain, including: (strangely enough:) National Car Wash, Spot-Not, Cactus Car Wash, and (I kid you not) Goo Goo Car Wash.
What do you think? Should a company be required to have a track record and profitable track record before selling a franchise or business opportunity? Place a comment below.
